Mother's Day Talk

Why Motherhood is Important to Me

  When I got my topic, The Importance of Motherhood, I thought: “Sweet!  I could talk about motherhood all day!  In fact, that is all I talk about all day every day.  This will be a fantastically easy to fill 12-15 minutes of sacrament meeting with.”

Then, like what happens when I receive great & exciting news, I absentmindedly searched for the negative angle.  I thought:
“I have only been a mother for a little over three years, and I still don’t know what the heck I’m doing! How am I going to cover such a broad, sacred, beautiful, deep, important role in life as Motherhood?"

  It is hard to do this topic justice, and it is difficult to honor and relate to every type of mother.  Every mother has their own strengths, weaknesses, trails, circumstance, that I may not be able to relate to or pay the proper respect.  A mother means so much, and is important in a number of ways.  I came up with FIVE that I plan on mentioning today.

Reason #1  Mothers give mortal life to God’s spirit children. 

 I found this definition of mothers in a Guide to the Scriptures on lds.org:

MOTHER: A sacred title referring to a woman who bears or adopts children. Mothers assist in God’s plan by providing mortal bodies for God’s spirit children. Pregnancy and childbirth is such a strange and beautiful miracle. Our very bodies are designed to bring His children to earth.

 Reason #2  Mothers are teachers.    

In my short three years’ experience, I have uncovered profound reasons why my mother was so important to me, and  I now see how much of herself she gave to teach me a few things like:

•  Teaching me to use the bathroom, correctly.  So much time, energy and worry goes into learning this skill.

•    Passing down her love of good nutritious food.  I always know exactly what and how much food my kids have eaten in the day, because I’m in charge of keeping them alive….and healthy.  I count my kids’ macros more than my own. Definitely.

•  Healthy sleep habits.  Not that I get to practice them in my adulthood as much.

•  Being a supportive, loving, team-player wife.  Watching her be positive and helpful in every early morning family prayer, scripture study, family home evening, kitchen cleaning, basketball game yelling, you name it.  She was the buffer of my Dad’s stricter more passionate tendencies, and she always made things better, calmer.  She always knew how to make problems seem like less of a big deal.

•  Her temper that we children managed to never take seriously.  Looking back, I remember when my mom would get frustrated. When her temper would flair and she’d yell or get snappy, we never felt the same fear we did when it would happen with dad.  She would always be quick to forgive and forget-- like really forget—and I always thought it was sort of silly when she’d yell.  She was just super annoyed at the situation, and not super going to hate you for leaving your shoes in the middle of the hallway and rolling her ankle on them even though she told you a million times to put them away. I’m now grateful that she didn’t hide her emotions, not even anger, so we could learn how she dealt with emotions in a loving motherly way.

   I’ve been skimming through a parenting book called Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. It was written by a professor of Psychology, Dr. John Gottman, who studied the emotional lives of children. He worried that most child-rearing advice addressed how to manage misbehavior, rather than focus on the emotions children and their parents feel.  In his case studies, he found that the children of parents who addressed feelings and “emotionally coached” their children were better able to deal with stress.

  Dr. Gottman suggested to parents that instead of discouraging emotions, we should be more open about our own and show and teach our children how be aware of them, label them, give them their proper time, and return to a calm, happy state.  

I often struggle being an exemplar of “emotional intelligence” –what researchers have called the emotional awareness and ability to handle feelings. The more tired I get; the fewer unsavory events it takes for me to bring out my inner rage.  There are times when I find myself yelling or growling at my little ones, even the baby. A few of my usuals are 

“Just go to sleep! Just stop crying! Quit your whining!  Do not wake up the baby!”  Whenever I get a moment to breathe and reflect on some of my emotional behavior during the day I'm ashamed and regretful.  

   Then, much to my dismay, I'm reminded of how I react when I see my 3 year old growl  and say "Stop It!" when she gets angry. This brings me to my next reason of motherhood importance...

Reason #3 Mom is your Nearest and Dearest Example

Fortunately, moms were not called by God to be perfect.

I wanted to read an excerpt of a blog post written by an author and mother of six named Sarah Williams. (I edited a few words to make it church pulpit friendly). Here's the link for the original:

https://sixwilliams.wordpress.com/2016/04/13/a-perfect-mom-is-the-worst/

  A Perfect Mom Is the Worst

I yelled at my daughter today for something that was not even a big deal and would not have bothered me on any other day.

But today I am stressed out thinking about some things.

And she got the unfair brunt of my nerves.

I eat lunch in my dining room with the lights off (less stimulation) and forbid my children to join me.

They don’t listen, of course.

I’ve called my son a {brat} to his face, twice.

I have ugly moments.

I say words I wish I could take back.

I make promises I don’t keep.

I am an imperfect mom.

I fail everyday.

And yet…

I have an awesome relationship with my kids.

They talk to me about their day.

I tell old stories.

We hug and kiss.

We laugh til it hurts.

I scratch their backs.

They play with my hair.

They ask hard questions.

We have dance parties during school.

And sing Let It Go in the car.

We giggle at the boys’ crushes.

And beg Chloe to tell us hers (she never does).

They pretend to be grossed out when I kiss their dad.

We talk about the small things in life.

We dream about their future together.
For all of the ways I fail, I am not actually failing my children.
I have probably said this a million times, but I will continue to beat this drum: being an imperfect mom does not make you a bad mom. It makes you normal. 
Somewhere along the lines, normal became second-class.
And the unattainable, perfect mom became the standard.
And I would make the case that it’s ruining everyone.
I find that women are hardest on themselves. So let’s forget about you for a moment and think about your children. And the example we set for them.
Striving for perfection is probably the worst thing you can do for your children. 
People are human. They will always act accordingly. They will be beautifully imperfect. They will succeed. They will fail. They will laugh. They will cry. There will be great joys and horrible losses. Some days are extraordinary. Some days never end.
Letting yourself be human and normal and everything that comes along with that gives your children the freedom to do the same.
Striving for perfection will leave them anxious, incapable, and distant. While leaving you burned out, bitter, and frustrated.
The great paradox of it all is that relationships are best built in the messiest parts of life.

Reason #4 A Mother’s Faith Is Powerful
  There are only a few mothers mentioned in the scriptures, but I chose to highlight the mothers of Helaman’s Stripling Warriors in the book of Alma, found in the Book of Mormon. The mothers had taught these young inexperienced soldiers a powerful, life-saving lesson of faith in God.

 In Chapter 57, Alma wrote:

" 47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  

19 But behold, my little band of two thousand and sixty fought most desperately; yea, they were firm before the Lamanites, and did administer death unto all those who opposed them. 

20 And as the remainder of our army were about to give way before the Lamanites, behold, those two thousand and sixty were firm and undaunted. 

21 Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them.

25 And it came to pass that there were two hundred, out of my two thousand and sixty, who had fainted because of the loss of blood; nevertheless, according to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds."

Their mothers had taught them to have faith in God.  That trust in God and in their commander gave them the strength and courage to fight valiantly, to overcome a much more ruthless, more bloodthirsty army, and be protected from death. Perhaps, their mothers faith in God [and in their sons] saved all of their lives. I know that I have great faith in my daughters' potentials, especially combined with the power of the Atonement. I know they will be safe and successful if they have faith in Christ and Heavenly Father.  

Last reason, #5 : Motherhood is An Eternal Partnership With God. 

Conveniently, this is the title of Jeffrey R. Holland’s brief and beautiful message he shared on Mormon media. I thought it was the perfect way to explain a mother's importance and pay tribute to what it entails.

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership With God

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

“Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, better than you are, better than you've ever been. And if, for whatever reason, you are making this courageous effort alone, without your husband at your side, then our prayers will be all the greater for you. Know that in faith things will be made right because of you.

We thank all of you and tell you there is nothing more important in this world then participating so directly in the work and glory of God. May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you've been given such responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you.

He is blessing you, and He will bless you, even-- no, especially-- when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”

Happy Mother's Day,

I write this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.