23 weeks Round Two

     Brian teased me when I asked him if he could come take pictures of me outside after I got ready for church.  Well deserved.  I wanted to get some documentation of my 23 week size, but I didn't feel like taking a camera phone bathroom selfie. Although I do enjoy viewing them, I can't bring myself to share a snapshot of me using my cheap Nokia Windows phone camera in orange light-bulb light in an old, tiny non-adorned apt.   No one can look big and beautiful under those circumstances.  In the end, I think he was proud of the photos he got.  

Our ward's meetings were canceled today due to ALL THE SNOW on the ground and roads. Snow removal isn't up to par with Utah standards it seems. Plus, the locals and the media seem to kind of freak out about driving on snowy roads. There was a woman I met who decided it was best to spend the night at the airport instead of have her husband pick her up on a 20 minute interstate drive.  Better safe and sleep-deprived, than sorry I guess.

I like this one because it is proof of my new curvature.  My belly skin is poking out a little bit.  Scandalous.

The wind can be very biting here, so Scarlett has learned to put her hood on and bury her face into my shoulder.  It is a very sweet survival skill.

Oops. After editing this wall is looking a little green; however, my hair looks fabulous.

Brian liked this one because it looks like Scarlett is reaching to touch her li'l sis.  You can tell in the next picture she was simply trying to get Mom's attention and take her away from whatever important thing she was doing, such as taking pregnancy glamour shots.

Scarlett is still a little awkward when its time to "say cheese" for the camera, although I think she's getting closer to her real smile.  Also, after we went inside is was suddenly mandatory that she eat some cheese. Silly girl.

I must type a special thanks to my friend Melissa for letting us play with her camera.  Mine is patiently waiting for me in Utah with my luggage and a lot of Scarlett's clothing.  We were borrowing it for a special project I have in store for Primary this week.  Hopefully church isn't canceled again!

What We Didn't Expect

   Brian and I finally felt ready to announce our new baby to the internet world after my 19 week check-up, although some family and friends heard it or guessed it already.  I was especially anxious and worried about this pregnancy, as we had just been through a miscarriage two months before.
        Let me tell you how that went.

           April-May 2014:
       I just started to wean Scarlett off breastfeeding at about 12-13 months, I discontinued my mini-pill birth control prescribed to breast-feeding mothers, and I had my first menstrual cycle about a year after she was born.  Best. Thing. Ever.  I'm sorry to gross out my male readers (Brian hates discussing the P-word), but I think skipping the monthly period is the best part about pregnancy. So skipping it AND not being pregnant was GLORIOUS, especially when I had a little baby to take care of.

      Since marriage, I've always said that my family plan was to have 5 kids--spaced out about 2 years apart--and be done birthing by the time I'm 35.  It'll be easy.  It'll be fun.  We'll have total control over the situation.  Har har.  I still think that plan sounds lovely, but we'll see what happens as our perception changes with age and wisdom (and chaos).  I can't say I'm confident because we don't even have two yet, but for now it's still my goal even though it makes me nervous sometimes.

      So we were both nervous and excited when we got pregnant just two months after I stopped birth control.  The plan was being followed.  I was due around Valentine's Day 2015, and we slipped our families the word via Skype when I was 5 weeks along. We were expecting another fool-proof boring ol' pregnancy.  After all, my first pregnancy was textbook normal.  Scarlett was head down, average size, healthy everything, and delivered the old-fashioned vaginal way on her due date after I went into a naturally-induced labor WITH an epidural (I don't want to brag about birthing totally natural. Respect, natural mothers).  I did feel a lot more nauseated this pregnancy than I had during Scarlett's first trimester.  Every pregnancy is different, so I'm told.

     We went in for our first Dr. appointment and ultrasound when I was about 9 and 1/2 weeks along.  The secrecy was starting to tickle, I wanted to let others in on our happy news. I wanted them to be like, "Woah, crazy lady. You're having another one so soon!"  And I'd be all like, "I know, we're crazy!"  And I would freak out and giggle inside.  We met for half an hour with a nurse to get our families' histories, blood pressure, advice, support groups, and tons of information that didn't seem quite as necessary as it did the first time we were expecting. Finally, we got to go see baby.

     As I got depants'd and degraded as patients do and connected to the ultrasound machine, the tech said, "Hmmm....I'm sorry, I don't see a heart beat."  I thought in my head, No, biggie, just keep looking. It's there, I can see the baby.  Then she repeated herself, a little bit more softly and delicately. Brian and I exchanged confused glances. Scarlett started throwing a tantrum about sitting or eating, or maybe she could feel the tension in the room.   I asked dumbly, "So, what does that mean?"   She gave us a little list of options that our Dr. might suggest in a tone that did not make me feel good.   It was uncomfortable to have this stranger try to convey comfort and supportive sadness so suddenly, when we had only just met.  Then the shock hit me that my baby had died.  It was horrible, and I had nowhere to run to to collect myself.  The tears started flowing and belly churning and I could see the same thing happening to Brian in his chair.  Scarlett was crying loudly, and the tech gave me looks of concern as she took pictures and typed up her diagnosis(?) autopsy(?) report.

     I still had another appointment scheduled to see the actual Dr., so I waited in that room and tried to sort my emotions while Brian let Scarlett loose to roam the floors and chased after her. It felt like an hour until I saw the Dr., however, a few nurses came in to offer their condolences and tissues and give me an update. Every new person feeling so sorry for me set me off crying like a little girl again.  It was rather humiliating.  I just wanted to go home and grieve with my husband and daughter so I could figure out what I really felt and be hugged by the family that loves me.

    But here I was, waiting and thinking and waiting.  Blaming myself for missing a few days of vitamins, taking that run on the treadmill too hard, not taking my pregnancy too seriously.
The resident finally entered and gave me a few options: D & C, take a cervical ripener to help me induce labor, or wait it out and let my body pass the baby on its own.  She told me that the baby measured about 9 weeks old so the miscarriage had probably happened very recently.  She said that 1 in 4 early pregnancies end in random miscarriage, and that there was probably nothing I did wrong.  She also said that having a early miscarriage does not increase your changes of having another miscarriage (which somewhat quieted my immediate irrational fear that I might never have another baby again).

         After being seen by the resident I was told to walk down 3 flights of stairs to the lab to get some blood work, then back upstairs to get my Rhogam injection.  Hurray.  Then the presiding doctor came in to ask if I was okay, which started my sobs back on up.   At check-out I had to explain my situation, and my reason for the next appointment.  I tried to not cry, but my face and throat wouldn't let me.  The whole appointment took 2 painful, frustrating, sad, and lonely hours.  Then, I went down to buy my prescription at the pharmacy and meet Brian and Scarlett to go home and let out some major tears and give some big snuggles to those two.

    I chose to take the pill that induces labor, because I didn't want to wait an undetermined amount of days to weeks to have anything happen, and I absolutely wanted to avoid surgery.  They told me that we could try to have another baby after one normal menstrual cycle after I passed the fetus, which meant 6 to 8 weeks.  It seemed so long that I had just been pregnant and nauseous- 9 weeks!, and I had to get through another 1st trimester again, not my favorite.

   When we got home, things calmed down.  Brian took the day off and we ate lunch together and talked and I took the medication.  It worked very effectively and quickly, I had about an hour of really painful cramping that night that made me sick, but I was glad it was working and I didn't have to go back for a second dose. Other than that it was a lot like a heavy period. I was not allowed to breastfeed after taking the hormones, so that's when we stopped nursing altogether.  It was bittersweet, but I probably would have nursed her until she was two (and complained about it) if I didn't have something to cut me off.

   I felt peace and clarity almost as soon as we got home.   Maybe that means my home is more like a temple than I thought.  I immediately knew that God had a plan for us and this little baby we lost had something very wonderful in store.  I don't know if we will meet this spirit in our earthly lives or if we will meet them later, but I do know that there was a spirit that gave life to that little body for 9 1/2 weeks or so.  For now, that baby and I were relieved from our physical pains, and it was nice.
 
    I felt a little guilty for feeling so relieved to not be pregnant and sick, although I was still very anxious to get pregnant again. I was going to visit family in a couple weeks and I was happy that I would be vacationing with a vigorous, healthy, good-at-sleeping body.  A few months later, my guilt was dissolved by a new father in our ward who had just blessed his son.  He testified that his life was guided by this fact:  he was a Child of God, and that meant that our Heavenly Father only wanted what's best for us.  At that moment it clicked for me- God wanted me to be happy.  I can be happy even when sad things happen, even when many people feel sorry for me and I should be mourning a loss. I felt comfort in the things that are known and even unknown to me, because God loves me and can send me comfort in tangible ways.

  I can tell you that this trial made me treasure being a mother and a wife even more.  It solidified to me how much Brian cares for me and our family. We are so lucky and blessed, sometimes I can't fathom it.  I'm happy to say we got pregnant the first month the healthcare professionals gave us the go-ahead.  We are due May 21st and everything it looking well for our second baby girl.

Christmas 2014

   Even though this was our first Christmas without our families, I think this Christmas was one of my favorites!  We definitely didn't throw a big one, and it definitely didn't require much thought and planning, but it turned out just as magical as any.
     We were naughty this year and opened all of our presents from family and for Scarlett right when they arrived in the mail.  My only excuse is that we didn't know what packages were sent for Christmas or for my birthday on Dec 12th.  HA.  That's a lie.   Brian and I had Christmas mornings all month long, and Scarlett was enthralled with every gift she received-one at a time- for a couple days, at least.  It ruled.
 
At our ward Christmas party, waaaay back on Dec 5th, I got to perform as a dancer to represent the Relief Society.  It was a most embarrassing, most exhilarating moment.  We were all like graceful sugarplum fairies, I'm sure.

Scarlett enjoyed the lasagna, but not the camera.

Some of Brian's Chem buds joined us.  We like these guys.

 On Dec 23rd, we rented out a  Jacuzzi Suite at a nice hotel about two blocks away from our house.  I know, we're weird, but we all LOVED it.  We were contemplating a visit to Chicago or other big cities nearby, but we didn't feel like driving or paying for a big trip so we had a Stay-cation! I wish I brought my camera, I took a few phone pictures of our huge room but they turned out crappy.  Basically, we checked in, went to dinner at Riverside buffett, came back & swam in the indoor pool, then hot tubbed in our room with Lord of the Rings on the big screen.   In the morning, we enjoyed a large hot breakfast then Jacuzzied on 'til check out.  Scarlett is a fish and we brought our own bubble bath, so it was a hit.

On Christmas Eve, Brian and I ran to get last minute stocking stuffers for each other and Scarlett, so Santa could come.  We skyped with my family, then acted out the Nativity with Scarlett.  She was a good sport some of the time.  After, we popped popcorn and watched the Nativity Story, its one of my favorite theatrical depictions of the story of Christ's birth.  It was a very special holy night. 

 

We put out our stockings and a lot of the toys she had already received. She acted like some of them were brand new; I guess we fooled her!

The result of Brian telling Scarlett to smile.

German pancakes and a 19 week pregnant belly.

Her tiny stocking was full of pudding and gummies.  I got a lemon zester, and Brian got some beef jerky.  We are so romantic.

After taking away the Ipad, this was the best picture we could get of everyone's faces.  Merry Christmas from Bratlett (Brian, Nat, & Scarlett) Green.

Stuffs

Brian's very cool (and still single) mission friend, Nathan Marshall, called us the other day to catch up. He said he had no clue what we've been up to "cuz Nat hasn't posted on her blog" in a long time.   Ha, true dat.  Here's some stuffs about our lives going on lately:

Brian is just about to finish his third semester of grad school with a bang, probably with perfect grades, not to brag.  He has already been on several out of state conference/meeting/research trips, and we will be visiting Utah in January while he gets to recruit at Weber State for a U of Iowa Chem Intern program. Pretty kewl! Brian has gathered many a Jazz fan in our ward together to create a band of brothers to share an NBA league pass, so four bros can legally watch Jazz games on their home devices at once. Its a great way for shy(?) Brian to make friends. He has also gotten into playing League of Legends with his brother and friends, and I'm happy he can stay in touch with them. Sometimes I join him when I'm feeling brave, he's really great about boosting a newbie's confidence.

Ahhh, I seriously love this team.

 I, Natalie, have just turned 25 years old.  My city rec indoor volleyball team took second in the league and tournament (we have two plaques now!)  I am so proud, this season was a blast.  I've become a part-time babysitter for a family with two teens and a 9-year-old, and I'm relearning much about adolescent behavior. It makes me grateful that I just have to deal with toddler tantrums at my house for now.
I'm really enjoying cooking, not anything particularly extravagant, but I've been trying a lot of new dishes to set before the dinner table. My latest firsts were shrimp spring rolls, orange chicken stir fry, and Grilled Chicken Picatta. I look forward to cooking as a creative outlet, and a chance to let Brian and Scarlett bond while giving me my kid break.

The fixins' and peanut Thai sauce for the spring rolls

Crappier phone pic of them all yummy and wrapped in rice paper, ready to be dunked.

Also, we're expecting a baby in May! Pretty big news I'd say. We will be moving into a three bedroom home shortly after my due date, which will feel wonderfully big and more like our own place than our cinder block apartments.

Now, onto the cuter things:

Scarlett LOVES books.
Scarlett loves Elmo, she will scream his name when she wakes up in the morning, and try to copy the way he laughs.

She loves balls. She loves throwing, chasing, catching, bouncing, and hoarding them.

Much younger Scar from the summer. She's so tute.

She's an expert climber. At the gym we go to she always scares the new employees in the Kids' Club with her fearlessness with heights, but she doesn't fall often. She knows her boundaries, unless I am close enough to catch her and then she gets incredibly reckless (she loves to dive in or out of my arms).
Still obsessed with Frozen (Woshzen) but we just discovered Tangled, and she likes to call Rapunzel "Anna".

Watching Ana and Selsa.

She loves to count, in her own way. One, doo, dee! Or dee, dee, dee, dee, GO! She has been especially trying hard to put two fingers up for "Doo", but usually all four come up at once.
She loves fruit and cooked veggies that she can chew. She chokes on the leafy green ones, but she really likes cooked cabbage.
Not a big fan or bread, cake, cookies, dessert, or meat.
Big fan of pickles, olives, rice, noodles, salsa, beans, crackers and most things salty.
Loves cheese. Sometimes I shred up a carrot and put it on her plate and she gets excited for the shredded "cheese".

She knows her binky is only for nigh-night. She gets a really guilty look when she finds one and uses it when it's not time to be sleeping.

Obsessed with electronics which is super annoying! She gets frustrated with them and screams and I don't know what she wants. We try to avoid them until we need her to be seriously distracted.

Loves to sing primary songs with actions, especially head, shoulders, knees and toes (she skips the shoulders and knees).
When she's tired she gets so hyper and silly. She likes to sing and dance and be tickled.
She loves "All About that Bass" and likes to shake her finger and say, "No,(treble)!"
Loves VERY specific YouTube videos. There's about four of them she will allow and beg for.

Oh and we're happy if we get her in bed before 9:00 PM these days. She wants to stay up and play, but I can't complain about her usual 8:00 to 8:30 wake-up time. It totally rocks.

Halloween Festivities

We had so much fun dressing up this year for our ward's Trunk or Treat.  Scarlett's costume was an insomnia epiphany, I wanted something cute, easy, and CHEAP.  I Googled some baby Dobby costume pictures and YouTubed "How to make a Doo-rag" and voila! our old pillow case became  high fashion.

We stapled a sock to the back or her costume, because we wanted her to be a free house-elf.  It was also a great place to store her candy.

 Seeker #7. Wins it every time.

 Scarlett has a broom fetish.  Seriously.

 Brian is so cool, he flew.  

Brian and I (okay really just me) collected random items to complete our looks- a couple friends let me borrow a blouse and tie, I overused some red masking tape I found at Target, Brian's wearing my eye-liner on his forehead and Scarlett's ears are made from a plethora of foam I bought from Wal-Mart for 99 cents.  Point is, I seriously love home-made costumes that cost almost nothing.  I grew up wearing one-of-a-kind pink panther and Raggedy-Anne costumes hand-made by my Grandma.

 Proof.

 

In conclusion, Scarlett LOVED the chili, we enjoyed some candy, and I have the coolest ward ever.  Happy Halloween!